I'm Not That Girl
by Squirmy McCoy
Summary: Jo is hurting after the kiss at the end of I'll be seeing you. Carter and Allison try to comfort her by taking her to dinner, but it's karaoke night at Cafe Diem. Thanks for reading!


Disclaimer: These characters are the property of Eureka and SyFy, not me.

Jo sat on the bed in Carter's guest room. Her arms were wrapped around her shins and her forehead was pressed against her knees. It had been 24 hours since the kiss. She hadn't left the house since she'd burst through the door yesterday afternoon and locked herself in the guest room. She'd kept it together long enough to ask S.A.R.A.H. to soundproof the room so she couldn't hear Carter and Allison or Zoe if –when she came home, and then she cried herself to sleep. She'd awakened hours later and cried again, this time until her eyes and nose was raw.

Now she sat there, trying to get up the courage to go out and face Carter. She took some deep breaths. "S.A.R.A.H?"

The house answered, "Yes, Jo? Are you alright?"

"No. Can you tell me what time it is?"

"It's nearly 7 pm." Jo took another deep breath. Heartbroken or not, she needed to use the bathroom. And eat. She let go of her legs and slowly stepped onto the floor. She felt lightheaded, so she sat back down for a minute. When the dizziness subsided, she walked to the door and opened it. Carter and Allison were sitting on the couch; when they heard the door open, they turned towards her.

She held up her hand to forestall any questions. "Bathroom," she said and walked down the hallway. After she finished, she washed her hands and looked at her face in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy and her nose looked like it had been chapped on a cold, windy day. She wet a washcloth in cold water and pressed it against her face until it warmed up. She looked at herself again. Better, but not much.

She walked back out into the living room and sat in the recliner. Jack got up and moved to the end of the couch closest to her. He touched her knee. "Jo…. What happened?"

Jo looked down and shook her head. "Nothing." A little voice in the back of her mind whispered, _yeah, that worked so well yesterday_. She snorted softly. At least Carter wouldn't kiss her.

"S.A.R.A.H. told us that you were very upset and not to disturb you until you came out of your room," Allison said. "That was yesterday. Jack has been hanging around all day hoping you would come out and talk to him." She leaned forward. "We've both been worried about you, Jo."

"Was it Zane? Do I need to shoot him?" Carter was trying to make her smile, but Jo wasn't up to that.

She looked around. "Where's Zoe?"

"She's out with Pilar and some of their friends. Come on, Jo, you're avoiding the subject."

Jo closed her eyes. "Look, Carter, this new world might be perfect for you…. Never mind." She sighed. "I'm going to Café Diem to have some dinner."

Carter stood up. "I know you probably feel like being alone, but can we tag along? We haven't eaten yet and we've decided that we've been neglecting you." He smiled at her and held out his hand.

Jo hesitated, then took it and let him pull her up. "Fine, but we're taking separate cars." Just in case I need to make a quick getaway. "Just let me change." She walked back into her room and pulled on a black blouse and black slacks. I feel like I'm in mourning, she thought. I need to go buy something red. She walked back out to Carter and Allison.

When she pulled up to Café Diem, she could see the place was pretty busy. Lights were flashing inside. She parked and met Allison and Carter at Carter's Jeep. "Oh, no," Allison laughed, "I forgot it was karaoke night." They walked in and were met with the sight of Larry in full costume singing Sweet Transvestite from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Jo had to laugh. "You have to admit, he has the legs for it," she observed. Carter spluttered while Jo and Allison laughed. They sat down.

Vincent came over. "I love karaoke night. You never know what's going to happen." He nodded up at the stage. "What can I get for you? We have a gorgeous spinach soufflé."

"Sounds great," Carter said. "I'll have a burger, rare. And a beer." Vincent rolled his eyes.

Allison ordered chicken marsala. Jo thought for a minute. She wanted comfort food. "Macaroni and cheese," she said, "and a bottle of ouzo."

"Coming right up," said Vincent. Jo looked around cautiously. Larry had distracted her too much to do it when she first walked in. No sign of Zane, but Zoe was over in the corner with her friends. They looked like they were having fun, giggling and poking each other. Zoe looked over and saw Jo. She got up and walked over to Jo, holding out her arms for a hug. Jo stood up and hugged her.

"Jo, I'm so glad you're feeling better." She sat in the empty chair and nodded at her father and his girlfriend. "Hey Dad, Allison."

Jo scooted her chair up closer to the table. "I'm not feeling better exactly, but I can stand to get out of the house now."

"So what was wrong?" Larry finished his high kicks and got off the stage. Someone Jo didn't recognize stepped in his place and started singing Bon Jovi. It never failed, she thought, where there was karaoke, there was Bon Jovi.

Allison said, "Jo's just been overdoing it a little bit. She needed to get some rest." Vincent came over to serve them their entrees.

Zoe eyed Jo's macaroni and cheese. "That looks good – can I have some?"

Jo mock snarled at her. "Get your own! I'm not sharing something this good." Then she had to close her eyes when the reminder hit her in the chest – she was already sharing something that good. "I'm just kidding, Zoe. You can have some." She poured herself a shot of ouzo and tossed it back, not wanting to meet Allison's sympathetic gaze.

Zoe looked at her strangely, then got up. "I've got to get back. We're trying to decide what we want to sing. Any of you going to get up there?"

"Not even if you paid me," Carter said. Allison hid a smile.

"I might," Jo said slowly. Zoe looked at her oddly again, then waved and walked back to her friends.

"You're going to sing?" Carter asked incredulously. "Really?"

Jo poured herself another shot and drank it. "Why not? Nobody here is going to laugh at me; they're all too scared of me to contemplate it."

"Ohhhhhkay." Carter picked up his burger and began eating. Allison joined him. Jo picked at her food. She ate a few bites, but the cheese was too rich for her stomach after not eating anything for a day. She poured herself a third shot, this time sipping it slowly, enjoying the taste of anise sliding across her tongue and down her throat. She pushed her chair away from the table and walked over to Fargo.

"You're running this show, right?" she asked him.

Fargo looked up at her. "Yep. If you want to sing, we've got every piece of recorded music in history. What's your pleasure?"

Jo hesitated, then said "I'd like to sing I'm Not That Girl from Wicked."

Fargo stared at her for a minute. He bent back over the laptop. "Okay. You'll be on in a little bit."

Jo asked Vincent for a glass of water and sat back down. Carter studiously ate his burger, but Allison put her fork down and looked at her. "What?" Jo said, folding her arms.

Allison looked at her for another minute. She picked up her fork again and toyed with it. "I'm really sorry that you're so unhappy, Jo."

Jo looked at the older woman. "I'm not exactly unhappy. I love my job. I feel like I'm fulfilling my potential for the first time in years." She looked over at Jack. "Sorry, Carter." Mouth full, he waved his hand at her as if to say that was okay. "I just have moments when things are really bad. Some moments are longer than others."

Allison looked over at Zoe and her friends and looked back at Jo. "You seem to be having these moments more often lately."

"I know. I'm trying. But things are complicated and they just keep getting more complicated."

Before Allison could ask her what she was talking about, Jo heard Fargo calling her to the stage. She got up and walked stiffly over, taking the mic from his hand and stepping on stage. The spotlight on her changed to green. She looked over at Fargo and shot him a small smile.

The music started. Jo closed her eyes and began to sing.

"Hands touch, eyes meet  
Sudden silence, sudden heat  
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl  
He could be that boy  
But I'm not that girl.

Don't dream too far,  
Don't lose sight of who you are,  
Don't remember that rush of joy  
He could be that boy  
I'm not that girl.

Every so often we long to steal  
To the land of what-might-have-been  
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel  
When reality sets back in.

Blithe smile, lithe limb  
She who's winsome, she wins him.  
Gold hair with a gentle curl  
That's the girl he chose,  
And Heaven knows  
I'm not that girl.

Don't wish, don't start  
Wishing only wounds the heart.  
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl.  
There's a girl I know  
He loves her so  
I'm not that girl..."

She opened her eyes and realized that she had been crying. She looked down. Tears were running down Allison's cheeks and Carter had his arm around her. Applause began. She looked over at Zoe, who looked completely stunned. Jo handed the mic to Fargo and stepped down off the stage. She grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair and turned to leave. Zane was standing in the doorway, watching her. Jo froze for a second, and then marched toward the door. Zane stepped back to let her out.

"That was beautiful, Jo-Jo," he said quietly as she walked by him. She stopped, turned around and looked at him. He walked over to her, looking down at her. "You do know that Fiyero doesn't love Galinda. He loves Elphaba."

"Yes," she replied, "But he doesn't figure that out until she's gone and he has to spend a big part of the second act looking for her. Meanwhile, she's eating her heart out over the guy she thinks is in love with her best friend." She started walking to her car. "And this isn't Oz."

As she sat down, she heard him answer, "And I'm not brainless."


End file.
